Dear Your Aunt Fanny #7
Quote of the Month
‘The waxer did not talk to me for my whole appointment but sang along to the music throughout’
- Google review of a local beauty salon we came across when doing some research for a script
Happy Clocks-Go-Forward-Mother’s-Day to All Our Nieces
Our big news for this morning is that Time of the Month will be returning on 20th May. Get your tickets here for a night of some of our favourite stand ups and a selection of brand new material from your best lasses.
Our Lydia is running the London Marathon at the end of April and has been training really hard. Yesterday she ran an 18 miler just to make the rest of us feel bad about ourselves.
She is running for Marie Curie and if you want to donate to this amazing cause, please follow this link and show her your support.
In other news, just like the rest of the world, we have been watching Adolescence and so far we have some mixed feelings among the group.
Jackie thought the whole thing was near perfect and ‘Stephen Graham took my little heart out and crumbled it in is hands’, Lydia said the camera work was good but other than that it was a bit shite, and Brogan could take it or leave it.
Where do you sit on the spectrum? Comments are on. No spoilers please though, Izzy only started it last night so don’t you dare fucking ruin it for her.
Speaking of Izzy, this month it was her turn to write something for Dear Your Aunt Fanny, so please enjoy her hilarious and heart warming reflections on life as of late, as well as her seven recommendations for this month.
A Letter from Izzy
Hey sluts, it's me. Izzy.
First of all:
UP THE FUCKING MAGS
TOON TOON
BLACK AND WHITE ARMY
(I'm getting a magpie tattoo but not one of them shit realistic ones)
Now, onto the other stuff.
I'm 26 and apparently I'm "at that age".
Everyone around me is having babies, buying houses and getting married.
I am having beans on toast for tea, buying kittens, and getting out of bed after midday.
And that's areet with me.
I have truly entered my self care, girl boss era.
Yes you can do both.
When I was younger I thought self care was just yoga and mindfulness, long walks and journaling. As I've got older, (yes I know I'm only 26 and got loads to learn blah blah blah shut up and leave me alone) I'm realising that although those things are important and do help, self care is also in the small things you do for yourself.
10 min sunbed instead of 5? Yes please.
Pesto pasta for your lunch and your tea? Weyaye!
Get a new kitten to keep my other cat, Henry, company? Why the fucking hell not.
And that's exactly what I've done. I've got a tan, I'm eating the same nice food everyday, and I've got my sweet princess baby girl, Audrey.
I ended my, not very nice to say the least, relationship at the start of January, and I have been doing a lot of reflecting since. I’ve always found it easy to lose myself in relationships. My whole focus becomes on them and I forget about the person who matters the most and the one that makes stuff fun. Me.
I redownloaded TikTok (I know) and I seen this American lass say the following:
"The reason you have so much fun on these dates is because you're good at conversation, you know how to have a good time, you're the fun one. You project those feelings onto these people and fall in love with them. It's you babe, and it's always been you."
And I was like... "Eeemygod????? Aye it fuckin is as well."
So I downloaded Tinder.
Don't judge me.
It's a social experiment.
I do think I take relationships too seriously, so now I'm just having a laugh and a joke and that.
It's been fun remembering how mental some people are and I've been enjoying sending Tinder profiles to the rest of the Fannies in our group chat.
My Tinder bio is "I'm mint crack". I've had a lot of questions from men asking how exactly I'm mint crack. So I decided to take the piss out of everyone, to their faces. I matched with a 27 year old bald bloke and told him he looked in his 40s, I lead on 2 blokes because their bio said "no time wasters", and have messaged countless blokes things like "I'm sure I know you???", "weren't you going out with ..." And "your best mate has been talking shit about you to me". I also messaged one lad saying "you used to wash my car" because he did.
And to me, that's mint crack.
Disclaimer: You may have noticed a lot of what I am saying is based on taking the piss out of blokes. Don't worry, I am still Queer. Just wouldn't dare take the piss out of fit women & non binary people. They've got too much to deal with already.
I have also been going on actual dates with a few people, just for the ✨ plot ✨ and a hot meal really. I like observing people, looking at how they hold themselves, their mannerisms, and seeing straight through the bullshit. I've found it interesting that people seem to open up to me, and be very vulnerable with me on the first time meeting me. I've managed to get people to talk about their deep traumas within the first hour or so of talking to me, while also having a laugh and fun time. At first I was like wow these people are so cool and confident sharing this stuff with me whilst also being fun… then I remembered… “it's you babe, it's always been you.” IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME. That American lass was right and I’ve proved it to myself.
Now I've done that, I can't be arsed anymore with real life dates. I'll just keep talking shit to my private Snapchat story instead.
It's fun to take the piss, yina.
I'm coming to the end of my second batch of therapy and I definitely feel better about myself and learned to treat myself like I'm my pal. I find it easier, as a people pleaser, to be nicer to myself when I imagine I'm someone else. That's probably quite sad for some of yous to read, but like I'm actually sound, I promise.
If anything, I feel like I'm "at that age" of having fun, not giving a fuck, and realising what it is I want in my life. No more putting others before myself in a way that is detrimental to my own mental health. I've been making friends, doing the things that I love, and really not taking anything seriously what so ever. It's fuckin class.
So aye, I'm on a mission to get to know this proper dead lush, kind, canny lass who I've accidentally not been giving enough attention my entire life. We're gunna go on holidays, have little dates, and live happily ever after.
Love yous. Bye xx
7 Recommendations
Waterfalls - Find one and go to it. Stand under it and get wet (hehe). I'm not telling yous my favourite one cos then you'll all go there and it's MINE.
Spotify Daylists - These are absolutely mental. Have a look at the title and the description, and see what Spotify thinks of you. They also change like 4 times a day, constant entertainment. Some good tunes on some of the playlists too, ones I'd never heard of.
LVL & HD brows - Honestly, fucking life changer. The amount of confidence I get I get after a trip to my favourite salon has made me develop a God complex. My lashes have grown so much since using Palm Beauty lash serum. I've also managed to get my mam to start getting hers done. She agrees. We are lush.
Making things up - Now when I say this, I don't mean go around lying to the people you love. I mean just talk some shit sometimes, get creative. Me and my best friend, Laura, like to play a game when we are on a night out, where we wind people up in the smoking area. All we do is make things up. On her birthday, we told a group of lads we were in our 40s and they were hyping us up so much saying we looked in our mid 20s. It made us feel great even though we are in fact, in our mid 20s.
Check in / check out option at the car park machines - If you go into town regularly, it saves you a fortune, trust is. Also pro tip - Quayside MSCP is the cheapest one in town, and £3 all day on a Sunday. Ne botha, ya don't need to thank is xx
Navigation course - Me and Katie done a one and it made us feel really clever and independent. Yous ever used a map? They're fuckin class. Nar, a never did D of E. Am not a royalist.
Izzy Sorby shit teas - I've had to put me name at the start of this because some people's version of a shit tea will be very different to my version of a shit (class) tea. I'm talking beans on toast, I'm talking potato stars with chicken goujons, I'm talking cheesy hash brown sarnies with extra cheese and BBQ sauce. Beige. Beans. Beautiful. Just makes you feel so good and nostalgic. Come round mine, al knock yous up a belta one.
And one for luck - Taking yourself on a date to literally anywhere. You'll probably have a better time by yourself xx