Dear Your Aunt Fanny #6
Quote of the Month
‘Feminism has gone too far. Just put it in dry and get it over with.’
-Izzy Sorby
Spring maybe???
Good morning to all our nieces. This is our sixth instalment of Dear Your Aunt Fanny, the February edition, coming to you on the 2nd March because February lasted like a minute and we were really busy doing Time of the Month, apart from Lydia who went on a spa weekend with her new gf (SPOILER), and Emma who is galivanting in New Zealand (just bitter because we miss her).
On Wednesday (5th) we are headlining Red Raw again. We absolutely loved the last one, it was so fun to put on some of our old, favourite sketches to a brand new audience. These nights normally sell out but there might be some tickets left if you are quick.
In other news, don’t tell anyone but we are working on putting together a brand new hour-long sketch show, which we will be taking on tour. We will keep you posted with some sneaky previews and you’ll be the first to know when the dates are confirmed. We are aiming for early Autumn so don’t plan a single other thing for then ok?
This month our gorgeous Lydia has written a post about dating, heart break and being a massive lezza. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as we did.
As always, subscribe to our newsletter and spread the word.
The First Heartbreak After a Year of Not Dating
by Lydia Kavanagh
I've been single since the end of 2022, so at the time of writing this, that’s 2 and a half years(ish*). For one of those two years, I decided to swear off dating. No apps. No flirty office craic. No dating. If you’ve ever seen Eat, Pray, Love - I had a bit of an eat, pray, love kind of year. But rather than going to Italy, India and Indonesia, I was in Gateshead, Newcastle and North Shields.
With all my spare time and energy, I spent the year doing a lot of reflection. What aspects of a person do I find attractive? What is attraction? As someone who spent 24 years in the closet, it felt important to ask these questions. When I first came out I was mad. Young gay living in London, kind of mad. It was like I was going through a second puberty. There was so many options and I made it my mission to try every.single.one. After a colossal heart break, I threw myself onto the apps and into the clubs. I had situationships, dates, fwb, one night stands, but none of it was quite filling the sadness void in my heart. After another failed situationship that left me pretty bruised, I knew that I needed a change. So I put on my big girl pants, which are orange and pink paisley and come with a matching blazer, and stopped dating.
It was hard at first. The self-esteem hit from matches and messages on apps was non-existent and left me feeling lonely and undesirable. Many a time I went to redownload but instead, I sat in the feelings, and came out the other end.
After that year, I met Cara (for the purposes of this article we'll call her Cara). Cara was pretty, clever, funny and for the first time in my life I was dating at a slower pace. Which, as a lezza (who moves FAST), was a breath of fresh air.
But, this breath of fresh air quickly made me feel confused, questioning and overthinking. Did she even like me? Do I even like her? What is it to like someone anyway? Why does she remind me of all my exs? All this anxiety came right back and slapped me in the face. Honestly I was fuming. I'd been going to therapy, doing the work, journaling all of it and why was I not being immediately rewarded with a perfect relationship developing at a reasonable pace? I mean, I'd taken a whole year off dating??? A whole fucking year, why the hell am I back at square one with Cara???
Breathe Lydia, take a breath.
As you'll gather by the title of this article Cara and I didn't last. We split up. More painfully she broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Classic lesbian heartbreak (yes straight people reading this, the heartache is worse, way worse). What I allowed myself with this was to feel it, all of it. No matter how silly it felt that I'd only known her for three months. No matter how sad, angry or confused I was, I took some time to feel all of it. And it hurt, cos I cared.
Although I was expecting to emerge from my year of not dating as the peak version of myself, ready to take on a new relationship, buy a house, have babies, do the big shop in Lidl together, that's just not how it works. Cara and I were not meant to ride off into the sunset. We were meant to be in each others lives for just a season. And that's okay. It doesn't mean my year of not dating was to no avail.
And, if I'm being very honest, a year doesn't change someone. You can try doing things differently or take some time to figure out what you want but, that doesn’t mean the world is going to fall in place around you. Instead, I’m realising that I'm pretty great as I am, and if I've learnt anything it's about embracing that a little bit more.
*Writers disclaimer: Started writing this ages ago and the lasses thought it would be good for the February issue of Dear Your Aunt Fanny. But, I've now found myself in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman. For this we'll call her H (obsessed with me giving people code names like I'm in witness protection). Please see below the Jellyfish she crocheted for me, with her literal bare hands. Wtf!!
7 Recommendations
Taking inspiration from Daddy Jackie last month, I am going to recommend seven things that I did in my year off dating. You can do them anytime really but maybe these are good ones for the single girls, gays and theys.
Taking your mates to a wedding.
In the immortal words of Katie Fanny Powell ‘never waste a plus one’. In my year out of dating I was invited to an old friend's wedding (cute) and when the daunting question of ‘are you bringing a plus one?’ was asked I confidently said yes. Knowing full well I didn't have a plus one. I then asked my best masc lezza pal to come along. Everyone thought we were a couple and all the bi girls complained to us about their boyfriends and how they all wished they were lezzas like us. A stunning evening.
A fantastic evening all in all and the iconic line of ‘not my girlfriend, not a girl’ when asked about Rhian.
Rusty’s Showbar Toilets. Honestly get yourself in there. They have a dangerous looking red button which if you press it all these disco lights come on and they play ‘Girls just wanna have Fun’. It’s mint. Dunno what happens in the lads tbh.
Have sleepovers with your mates. During my year off dating I spent a lot of time with my friends. I have the most wonderful friends who I adore like nothing else. Our relationships especially deepened when I started to stay over at their houses. Sometimes for a week, sometimes for a weekend. I’d be still with them and we’d just exist together, which since graduating uni and living with friends I’ve missed. I’ve had some very beautiful memories that I’ll cherish for a long time.
Middlesbrough Half Marathon. I ran the Middlesbrough half whilst off dating and honestly one of my favourite races to date. Not as manic as the Great North Run, still a pretty flat course and lush vibes the whole way round. I also got a PB - so gonna be biased for this one. I’m at a Hen Party so can’t run it this year, which I’m GUTTED about. Yes I am a twaty runner, no I will not apologise.
Look at those quads! Go see Angela the Curl Expert. Okay, my babes reading this with curly hair stop going to salons that have no idea what they are doing. Angela is the curl expert, she’s based in Gosforth and is a wizard with my curly locks. Angela I love you.
Join a choir. I joined the Girls, They's and Slays. We're a queer choir based in Newcastle. We've performed at Alphabetti, The Discovery Museum and we've even done Newcastle Pride. I love them all very dearly and hold the choir close to my heart.
Wear Red Leather Coats. I went to a second hand clothes fair and got this long red coat for a fiver. I call it my life changing coat because I look so fit in it.
It’s an iconic coat and deserves it’s own moment.
