Dear Your Aunt Fanny #1
September Issue
Quote of the Month:
‘Give my one min while I mandolin my j chokes’
Some dickhead foodie guy on Instagram, j chokes is short for Jerusalem artichokes apparently
Welcome Welcome Welcome
Happy First Post Day to all our lovely nieces (we have decided this is a gender inclusive term because niece is more of an energy, like kinetic or big dick).
Thank you all so much for subscribing to our newsletter, we can’t wait to share all our latest updates, thoughts, hot takes, recommendations and upcoming news with you!
In an ideal world we would probably perform every night of the week but for some bizarre reason we aren’t allowed to and we also have boring things like jobs or rent or boyfriends that we have to keep up with.
We needed to create a new way to keep the fanny candle (trademark Goop) burning even when we are cities apart, and Dear Your Aunt Fanny was born.
Each month a different Fanny will be leading on creating content for our Substack which will be a combination of behind the scenes bits, those thoughts and feelings about the world around us which we can’t quite fit into sketch format and seven recommendations for you to check out. We will also be updating you on our future shows and projects, even with a gorgeous little discount code here and there.
Dear Your Aunt Fanny will come straight into your inboxes on the last Sunday of the month and the money we get from subscriptions will be going towards future projects and hopefully an Edinburgh Fringe run in 2025 (but don’t tell anyone about that just yet).
For our first ever DYAF, we’ll be letting you know what we’ve been up to the past month or so, releasing our first set of seven recommendations, a monthly feature, and asking subscribers to send in some Agony Aunt questions you would love us to answer for our next few issues. Please don’t be shy, we are suitably ill-equipped to give advice and dying to know all the gossip.
September
Great North Hun
In case you haven’t heard, maybe because you’ve been on a retreat where they don’t allow phones, such as Big Brother, or like Jackie you’re so behind on Instagram you’ve only just found out about orange wine, a bunch of us did the Great North Run on the 8th September for Marie Curie.
Just when you thought we couldn’t get any fitter, we ran 13.1 miles all along South Shields. It was fucking freezing and pissed it down all day but a 7 year old called me flower as he handed out jellybabies and a local working men’s club were offering up half pints at the 9 mile mark.
A personal highlight was crossing the finish line to see Katie waiting for us with a 12 pack of Snickers and a fleece.
We raised over £3000 for Marie Curie and wanted to thank everyone who donated from the bottom of our hearts.
We ran celebrating Lydia’s Mam Margaret, who has been a fanny fan since day one; coming to our shows since we were about 15. It was so special to run on her behalf for a charity that has done so much for her the past few years and we miraculously managed to meet up in the pre race chaos for some pics.
Saint Maud
In other big news, our little baby Brogan (probably should stop calling her that now she is a literal mam) is starring in Saint Maud at Live Theatre.
Though Brogan might look angelic with her curly blonde hair and rosy cheeks, we can confirm that she has the most twisted sense of humour of all the fannies, so we cannot wait to see her in all her gory glory in this production.
Tickets on sale here . https://www.live.org.uk/whats-on/saint-maud
Smoggie Queens
Also, wor Izzy wrapped on Smoggie Queens, which is airing either before or after Christmas and you all need to watch. Apparently her role, ‘Geordie Kaz’, showcases Izzy’s finest assets, her genius comedic timing, her unparalleled accent and her big tits.
Fingers crossed that having her own dressing room trailer on set doesn’t turn her into a stuck up bitch when we have to brush our teeth in the Stand toilets before Time of the Month.
You’re Not Me Ma
Finally we’ve all been working hard getting the script together for our upcoming Christmas show/soap opera parody ‘You’re Not Me Ma’.
In preparation we’ve been diligently rewatching our favourite moments from the soap archive, taking it turns to do Ian Beale impressions and trying to come up with names for characters who are currently down in our books as ‘sibling who turns out to be a mam’, ‘tarot reader who just got back from rehab’ and ‘Kim McGuinness type with a dark secret’.
If you want to see more of this kind of festive magic, get your tickets here https://www.thestand.co.uk/whats-on/newcastle/december/2024
SEVEN Recommendations
Seven recommendations is a monthly feature where we will be laying out or favourite things from the past month. No gatekeeping here.
The deep fried feta with honey and sesame starter at Kafe Neon on the Bigg Market. Unreal.
Babes movie. Ilana Glazer, Michelle Buteau and Whoopie Goldberg playing the voice of a clitoris. If you need more convincing, here’s a lush clip of Ilana chatting about the highs and lows of being a woman and proving, once again, that we are born to be comedians.
Swapping out the songs on your playlist for a live version. I did this when I was doing my half marathon training and it’s great because you get a little cheer and applause every few minutes. Is equally as motivating and rewarding if you are doing absolutely nothing.
The latest season of Couples Therapy on BBC iPlayer. Acrobatic thruples, an overbearing religious parent, off-loading trauma while drinking sparkling water out of blue glass bottles and Orna looking chic as fuck. What more could you possibly want?
Sally Rooney’s new book Intermezzo - only £10 in Sainsbury’s. Haven’t started it yet but it looks really nice on my coffee table.
Have a big, unapologetic cry. Works for everyone from Charlotte Bronte ‘‘I have given myself up to the luxury of an unrestricted burst of weeping,’ to the littlest Fanny having a tantrum every time she finishes her pudding. Far and wide we can agree that there is nothing greater than a big ugly bawl.
‘Pathetic and a vibe’ - Auntie Katie Finally, this recipe for pink pasta. Beautiful and easy (ring any bells?) https://www.instagram.com/we_are_food/p/CCZC65EJ7Ph/
